You're my little dorito
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
