My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize