I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
