i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
