I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
