so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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