I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
