i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Soap is not a condiment
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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