She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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