He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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