I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I looked at my own cervix.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
