so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
