if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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