So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize