At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
