I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
