I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
