i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
