Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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