Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
id be glad to
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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