But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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