remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
