Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
