I can text with my tongue
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
