Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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