I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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