i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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