I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
