Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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