I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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