There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
