Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
