the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize