He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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