you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
