Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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