WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
