His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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