Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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