Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
