i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
