She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
