so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
