There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
