The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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