i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
