I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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