stop calling my apartment porn island.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
