Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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