I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
