I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
