there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
