Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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