If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
