marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize