man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
