dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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