No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
