omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
