I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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