i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
