I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He shit in the fireplace
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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