so that wasnt chicken after all
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
