On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
