YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
