hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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