we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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