Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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