right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
