porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
