This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
