Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
and she was petting her beer can
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
