the new term for farting is butt boxing.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
