So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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