This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize
