i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize