totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
