honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I can feel your judgement through the phone
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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