They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My balls are so social today.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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